Sunday, April 3, 2016

Letting the Chaos Go



It has been an thoughtful week for me, full of life events that make one ponder and think about IT all. 


First and foremost I am constantly thinking about this little baby girl growing inside of me. The miracle of it all. She kicks all the time, constantly reminding me that I am growing a new little one. We are down to 3 weeks before I am scheduled to have a c-section. Three weeks (or less) before I am holding this new little being in my arms. 

The opposite of birth is death, I spent Wednesday morning listening to stories about the life of a friend who is no longer with us. Listening to his family talk about how much his kids meant to him. Listening to his kids talk about so many different memories with their dad, specifically how grateful his three boys were for all the time spent together. The dedication he had to his boys was amazing. I sat there thinking about my own life and what I would want my kids to remember about me. I want my relationship with my own children to be noticed by all around me. I thought about this as I watched my stomach jump and move with the constant kicking.

Today I got to spend with more family and friends as my mother-in-law got married. I listened to all of the kids talking about how great their parents were, how happy they were for their parents to have found happiness and love. Again, the love these kids expressed for their parents was amazing to me. 

So much love, so many memories all shared at these major life moments this week, all while counting down the days to my own major life moment. As a parent I often sit back and question myself. Am I helping, nurturing, doing all that I can and should be doing? Or am I hindering, getting stuck on the little things, holding my kids back? As a step-mom I double time the questions.
I want a life of memories. I don't want my kids to remember me as the crazy lady that always had them to their activities on time. In this chaotic life I need to learn to let the chaos go and find the memories and stories hiding in the wrinkles of time.



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